Letters from camp 1970

I am still in the arduous but interesting process of sorting through a huge box of letters, mostly written between my mother and her sister, but others to my father during the war (more about that later) and some from and to me. I guess I learned from my mother that what one does with these things is put them in a box and store them in the attic. I found the letters I wrote from camp. They were worth keeping and they revised my recollection. I thought I was miserable from day one until the end. Enduring homesickness, hiding tears, reading Jane Eyre ("how do you pronounce Eyre" I asked in my first letter) and suffering through playing awful sports in searing heat. That is all I remember. But in fact, according to the letters, the homesickness was fleeting and I had fun a lot of the time. My poor parents! They were all set to pick me up early, after they enjoyed their vacation in Lake Placid and Queechy Lake without me. Then I wrote more anxious letters begging them not to come early.

Day 2's is so funny, I'll copy it here:

Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I hate to spoil your vacation but you'll have to come and get me. I'm dyeing of homesickness. It's not the camps fault or the counselors they're both really great. It's just that I can't bear being away from home. It's even worse than last year because its 4 weeks. I am sick to my stomach of homesickness. I feel like killing myself for being mean to you. You could make up some excuse that I could tell the girls I'd be embaressed to tell the truth and they're all so nice. I've started crying, I just can't hold it in. So tell me when you can get me, because you have to, I've tried every method in the book but it is just inevitable. Your homesick and loving daughter, xxxx. (in the margin, with a musical note, "Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.") Then. P.S. This is later. I reopened the letter. At the moment I'm having a good time. I don't know what to do. Call me up.

Mr. Crackles thought it was hilarious and said I hadn't changed a bit. That is disturbing, because it sounds to me like he is taking my mother's attitude, that I'm "Sandra Bernhardt" a term she always used, which suggests that I'm exaggerating for effect and that is not true. I am deeply feeling what I feel and doing my best to express it so that others may understand. No one ever really does, it is still apparent. Hmph.

Really, we tried

We tried to go to St. Jonah's this past Sunday, really we did. Since the step-daughters are now way too old and sophisticated to be willing to be counselors, we'd forgotten that the prior week had been the week of Going Medieval camp for kiddies. (The eldest is off on her jaunt of Germany and the 15-year-old would rather spend her week on facebook and text messaging and getting ready for her sleep away camp. Can't really say I blame her.) If we remembered about the camp and that the kids would be more than participating in the main service we might have gone to the early service or else to that outpost in a neighboring industrial city that we discovered a couple weeks ago. Both would have required waking up early, but we were up late enjoying Lucinda Williams at the Green River Festival. And we didn't even make it at 10:30 on the dot. I knew we were rather late since I didn't even hear the organ as we walked up the side street by the flower garden. The first lesson was in progress: we could hear a voice speaking. But what we saw was a child placing a ladder beside the altar table. Wha? I recognized the words as telling of Jacob's dream and understood the ladder but Mr. Crackles hovered in the doorway, gesturing to me. Psst, let's go. He'd been worried about the heat in the church anyway, and this was just the last straw. If you don't want to believe the altar is sacred space, then don't tell me it matters if I go to the service or not, sayeth he. Turning it into a jungle gym. He really hates what he calls "child worship." Of course it pervades St. Jonah's since all the up and coming families with potentially large incomes for a good number of years have kiddies. I can see how allowing the children to take over one service in the summer is a useful teaching exercise for them, even if it does subject the adults to listening to their prayers for their pets and their echoings of politically correct oversimplifications about how we shouldn't bomb nice people who are different from us. I can also see how for Mr. Crackles, who is so alienated from his children that worship of them does not reflect his glory the way it does for other parents, it is a painful thing to watch, as it is for me as well. So, we left. We went to the beach and worshipped with our bodies the God who made the vast seas and Leviathan, just for the sport of it.

Not quite getting it

Nothing like a corpse swap to improve neighborly relations. Hey guys, when we said hold a swap meet, this isn't exactly what we meant.

A rough mail day

The mail brought an end to my hopes: my first attempt to get the young adult novel published have failed. Form rejection. I know, do not despair, send it out again. I wasn't really surprised, despite my fervent attempts to visualize success. Failure after all is familiar.

Then, looking at my credit card bill I discovered charges from ValueMax and DealMax which I had never heard of. Calling them up they said that someone at the email address andylander@mac.com had purchased a gas card and membership in these companies. (Yes, you can bombard his email if you like, it probably is a dead letter box by now. I haven't bothered.) The companies acted all innocent and said they'd refund my membership. I think they are in on it with these fictitious people who "sign up" for free gas cards. But how did they get access to my credit card? The credit card company says to wait and see. Of course I feel assaulted and violated. Warning everyone: check your bills frequently. Do not sign up for "free gas" cards.